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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,007
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,610
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things
that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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What the hell?
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Oh, hey, Brian. I was sick
of waiting my turn
12
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outside the supermarket,
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so I bought every
coin-operated horse in town.
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I assume you're on the unicorn?
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You know me well, sir.
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Must be a dozen horses here.
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How do you possibly
have the money
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for this type of stuff?
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Well, I'll tell you,
but only on one condition.
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- Fine. Never mind then.
- Investing!
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I invest in the stock market.
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The stock market? Ugh.
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What do you even know
about that stuff?
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It's easy... I just follow
trends and invest accordingly.
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For instance, there are
more single people
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over 50 than ever.
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So I'm investing in handguns
and blackout window shades.
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They don't want to be part
of society, Brian.
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They've made that very clear.
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I don't know, Stewie,
if you ask me,
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the stock market's
just a rigged game
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where the top one percent
make out like bandits,
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and regular people get hurt.
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Are you reading off
a teleprompter right now?
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No.
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The prompter's down.
What do we do?
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Brian, vamp!
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So, great to be in Quahog,
Rhode Island today.
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That's why he's the best.
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Our top story,
an austere monetary policy
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has the European Union
on the brink of collapse,
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threatening the entire
global economy.
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And for viewers making
less than $40,000 a year,
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your top story is a big
UFC fight this Saturday.
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Wow, I can't wait
to see that fight!
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Me and the guys are gonna
watch it at the Clam.
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Peter, we have dinner
with my parents that night.
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It's my mom's birthday.
You have to be there.
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Lois, if you let me out of this,
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I will go to Meg's ballet
recital in your place.
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Deal.
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♪ ♪
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I did not go to the recital.
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Whew, what a day.
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I asked Ms. Watson if she had
any kids of her own.
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Immediately, she put me
in a time-out.
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- What the hell?!
- Ay, dios mio!
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Oh, great.
Course it's one of them.
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- What?!
- Stewie, adults are allowed
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to say racist things
because of traffic.
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Oh, my poor '98 Toyota Corolla.
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We all have '98 Toyota Corolla.
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- Que?
- I allowed to say
racist things
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because of traffic.
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Well, don't get so angry.
Just tell your insurance
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what happened
and then they'll...
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Oh, you're driving away
because you don't have
insurance.
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This sucks. Fixing the bumper
is gonna cost at least
a grand.
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Tell you what,
give me a hundred bucks
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to put in the stock market,
and I'll take care of it.
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The market?
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Brian, you won't lose
your money.
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I promise.
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All right, fine.
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Guess I'm not the first person
to cave in to family pressure.
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Like Stephen Baldwin.
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Why aren't you a bloated
alcoholic yet?
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I'm sorry, Ma!
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What the hell?
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Jerome, what are you doing?
The fight's tonight!
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Sorry, fellas,
I just got a call.
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My mom had a stroke.
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I've got to go back
to Long Island to see her.
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Hey, a Mets fan, huh?
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No, no, Joe, now is not the time
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to use your new
conversation techniques.
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I love her so much.
Look at her.
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So beautiful.
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And there's no one
to take care of her,
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so, unfortunately,
I'll be gone for a while.
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I got to close this place
for a month.
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- A month?!
- I wish it was February.
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'Cause, you know,
that's the shortest month.
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Nice one, Joe.
You're on the board.
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Look, I don't want to
close the place either.
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But I don't have anyone
to run it.
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Really? Well, uh, you know,
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we know this place
better than anyone.
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- What if we run it for you?
- Yeah!
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00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,559
- That's a great idea!
- B-story!
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Wow, you fellas would really
watch this place for me?
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Are you kidding?
Running a bar is my dream!
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Well, that and waking up
a rooster.
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Dah!
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Enjoy the rest of your Saturday.
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Hey, Brian,
I need to talk to you
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about that money
I invested for you.
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I knew it.
You lost it all, didn't you?
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God, I never should have
given you my money.
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The stock market is a sucker's
bet, like chasing your tail.
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God, it's right there,
and yet a million miles away.
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What are the physics of that?!
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I didn't lose your money,
Brian. Quite the contrary.
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Here's a thousand
to fix your car.
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And here's a thousand profit.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
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You made $2,000
in a couple days?
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- Yep.
- Oh, my God.
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You got to teach me
how to invest.
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Okay, but I can see this is
going to be a lot of work.
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So in return, you must
teach me Gymkata:
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the fusion of gymnastics
and karate.
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No, Stewie, I won't do that.
It's too dangerous.
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I swore I'd never
teach Gymkata again.
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Brian, there's a 22-year-old
Mongolian heiress
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who's being held captive
in a mountain fortress
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that happens to have
a pommel horse in it.
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There's no other way.
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♪ ♪
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Okay, I'm back.
Ready to invest?
131
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,023
Why are you still wearing
that unitard?
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Can't get it off
'cause my hog's too big.
133
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Well, here, let me
help you get it off.
134
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No, no, no, no, no, no.
I pooped. I pooped.
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What's going on with Nikkei?
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00:06:16,927 --> 00:06:18,404
- What are you up to?
- Are you kidding?
137
00:06:18,428 --> 00:06:19,839
I've been looking at stocks
all morning.
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I'm already up five percent
on the day.
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Wow, good for you.
You're really taking to this.
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I wish I'd brought you in
on this earlier.
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Together, we're going to
make a fortune.
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00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,915
Well, now, hold on, Stewie.
I'm not some run-of-the-mill
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Wall Street scumbag only
in this for the profits.
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For every dollar I make,
one goes to me,
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00:06:34,844 --> 00:06:36,544
and one goes to charity.
146
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,557
I'm gonna rent a Ferrari
and cruise the pier.
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You want in?
148
00:06:40,384 --> 00:06:42,734
Well, cancer's not
going anywhere.
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00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,902
I'm sorry, Billy,
you're one dollar short
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00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,138
of being able to afford
the surgery you need.
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00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,140
- Yeah!
- Money!
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00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,042
Sweet. I know those guys.
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00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,768
Wow, look at us,
running the Clam.
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00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,837
Joe, why are you dressed
like that?
155
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,272
'Cause I'm a mixologist.
156
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,981
Oh, cool.
What can you make?
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00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,608
You name it, I can make it.
158
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,110
Could I get an old-fashioned?
159
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,980
Classic. Rum and Coke,
coming right up.
160
00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:13,514
And could I get a Moscow mule?
161
00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:16,450
Rum and Coke for my comrade.
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00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,354
- I'll have a whiskey...
- Rum...
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00:07:19,422 --> 00:07:21,822
- sour.
- Coke. Coming right up.
164
00:07:21,892 --> 00:07:24,192
- Could I get a rum and Coke?
- Uh, Pepsi okay?
165
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,115
Brian, I've got great news.
166
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,595
We're going for a ride
in the car?!
167
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,719
No, our portfolio's up 30%.
168
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,489
In fact, we're so successful
now, we have to make
169
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,658
one of those sappy
investment commercials.
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00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:43,094
Thanks to my
investments, I've watched
my money grow.
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00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,862
And my little girl.
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00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,347
Dad?
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00:07:46,416 --> 00:07:48,983
Thanks for making
my big day possible.
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00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,770
Don't thank me.
Thank Fidelity.
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00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,632
Okay, I'm ready
to marry you now.
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00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:55,390
Wait, what?
No, I'm your dad.
177
00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:57,559
Yes, you are.
This is what's happening.
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Fidelity:
We're there for you
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00:07:59,295 --> 00:08:01,379
when your baby marries
his dog-dad.
180
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,083
Chris, there you are.
181
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,085
Do you know why I called you
down here today?
182
00:08:08,138 --> 00:08:10,871
To see the enormity
of your new desk?
183
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:14,041
Yes. There are two kinds
of people in this world,
Chris.
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00:08:14,111 --> 00:08:15,876
People on your side of the desk,
185
00:08:15,945 --> 00:08:17,912
and people on my side
of the desk.
186
00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:19,358
Do you know how long it took me
187
00:08:19,382 --> 00:08:21,082
to get to my side of the desk?
188
00:08:21,151 --> 00:08:23,918
Five minutes, because you have
to walk all the way around.
189
00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:25,620
So my question to you is this:
190
00:08:25,688 --> 00:08:28,306
How long do you want to be
on your side of the desk?
191
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:31,176
Stewie, can I see you
for a moment?
192
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:32,710
Right away, Mr. Thorne.
193
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,881
Do you know why I called you
in here today?
194
00:08:41,904 --> 00:08:43,749
Stewie, why'd you bring me
all the way out here?
195
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,607
Now that we're eccentric
rich guys,
196
00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:48,776
we're going to go down 20,000
feet and pants James Cameron
197
00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:50,744
while he's excavating
the Titanic.
198
00:08:55,418 --> 00:08:56,750
There he is.
199
00:08:56,819 --> 00:08:58,303
This is gonna be so great.
200
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,169
Wow, business has really
picked up.
201
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:34,806
I think it's because of the
trivia night Quagmire started.
202
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:36,408
Here we go, next question.
203
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,021
And remember, no phones, people.
204
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,655
Playing an honest game,
no phones.
205
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,095
Okay, "In what country..."
206
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,198
No phones, I'm seeing phones.
207
00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:45,200
"In what country..."
No phones.
208
00:09:45,268 --> 00:09:47,228
I've been pretty cool
about this so far,
209
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:48,603
it's a gentlemen's game.
210
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:50,971
"In what country can you find
the monuments called..."
211
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,640
I see phones. I see...
All right,
212
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,253
you know what, that's it,
trivia night over!
213
00:09:54,277 --> 00:09:56,110
Three cotton-picking weeks,
214
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,690
and no one's gotten
a single answer wrong.
215
00:09:57,714 --> 00:09:58,924
Everyone's like,
"Hey, settle down,
216
00:09:58,948 --> 00:10:00,059
we're not using our phones."
217
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:02,483
I see you using
your damn phones!
218
00:10:02,552 --> 00:10:04,352
Just... just give me
my shift drink!
219
00:10:04,421 --> 00:10:06,131
Technically,
you got to finish the game
220
00:10:06,155 --> 00:10:07,822
before you get your drink.
221
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:18,066
"In which country..."
222
00:10:18,134 --> 00:10:20,179
And you know, I think
some people may be here
223
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:21,669
because of me.
224
00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:24,838
I spread the word about
my sweet playlist.
225
00:10:24,907 --> 00:10:28,042
This is just a bunch of covers
of "Life Is A Highway."
226
00:10:28,111 --> 00:10:31,379
- Yeah.
- Joe...
227
00:10:31,448 --> 00:10:34,182
- you did a really great job.
- Thanks.
228
00:10:35,786 --> 00:10:37,636
♪ Life is a highway ♪
229
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,804
♪ I want to... ♪
230
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,873
Fuck, we went
to the wrong place.
231
00:10:41,925 --> 00:10:43,792
Hey, guys, I had a great idea.
232
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,927
You know how people love
mechanical bulls?
233
00:10:45,995 --> 00:10:47,829
Well, I got something
even better!
234
00:10:49,499 --> 00:10:51,733
A real bull?
235
00:10:51,802 --> 00:10:53,780
If that thing gets mad,
it'll destroy the bar!
236
00:10:53,804 --> 00:10:55,180
Yeah, right.
How can it get mad
237
00:10:55,204 --> 00:10:57,505
when I cinched its balls
with my belt?
238
00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,474
See, it loves it here.
It's even picking out a song.
239
00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:03,695
♪ Life is a highway... ♪
240
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,096
Excellent choice. You know,
241
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,998
not to tell tales out of school,
242
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,366
but I sucked my first jug
to this song.
243
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:13,038
♪ If you are going my way ♪
244
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,973
♪ I want to drive it ♪
245
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,574
♪ All night long ♪
246
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:22,130
♪ Life is a highway ♪
247
00:11:22,198 --> 00:11:24,332
♪ I want to ride it ♪
248
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,968
♪ All night long ♪
249
00:11:27,036 --> 00:11:29,137
♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah ♪
250
00:11:29,206 --> 00:11:31,572
♪ Life is a highway ♪
251
00:11:31,641 --> 00:11:33,641
♪ I want to drive it ♪
252
00:11:33,709 --> 00:11:36,043
♪ All night long... ♪
253
00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:41,215
Edgar, do you know
anything about this?
254
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,817
- What? N-No.
- Edgar?
255
00:11:43,886 --> 00:11:47,155
I was at Stanley Kaplan
preparing for the A.C.T.
256
00:11:47,223 --> 00:11:49,557
Well, then I am sanguine.
257
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,475
- Huh?
- Aha!
258
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,150
Guys, wake up.
259
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,064
Oh, man, the bull
kicked our asses.
260
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,486
And totally trashed the bar.
261
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,989
What the hell is that?
262
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,557
Oh, that's my ringtone.
263
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,705
It's from Game of Thrones
when Stannis's daughter
264
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,161
is burned alive at the stake.
265
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,630
No way. It's from when Arya
and that other tiny girl
266
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:13,998
fight to the death.
267
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,067
Nah, that scream
is from the Red Wedding.
268
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:20,071
It's the sound of a mama being
stabbed right in the baby.
269
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,256
- Hey, Jerome.
- Hey, Peter.
270
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,158
I have some bad news.
271
00:12:24,227 --> 00:12:25,393
My mama...
272
00:12:25,461 --> 00:12:27,845
she's dead.
273
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,280
Aw, man, that sucks, Lois.
274
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:30,926
Your friend is probably
just jealous.
275
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,116
Peter.
276
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,849
There's nothing left
for me here,
277
00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:36,571
so I'm coming home tomorrow.
278
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,574
That painting's all I got
to remember her by.
279
00:12:39,643 --> 00:12:41,476
You take good care of it, Peter.
280
00:12:41,545 --> 00:12:43,193
It's my prized possession.
281
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,567
I'll see you tomorrow.
282
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,470
What are we gonna do?
283
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,859
Yeah. When Jerome sees that
painting, he's gonna kill us.
284
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:56,986
Don't worry, guys, he's got
another one over there.
285
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,843
Peter, that's Bruno Mars.
286
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,778
Bruno Mars? Who's she?
287
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,080
He's a man,
and he's not even black.
288
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:06,351
He's a beautiful,
mixed-up tomorrow person.
289
00:13:13,309 --> 00:13:14,675
What is this place?
290
00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:16,322
This is what you dragged me
out of the house
291
00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:17,723
first thing in the morning for?
292
00:13:17,747 --> 00:13:19,787
Yeah, it's a great company
I found to invest in.
293
00:13:19,815 --> 00:13:21,594
Korean. They make
protein shakes.
294
00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:23,295
The profits are off the charts.
295
00:13:23,319 --> 00:13:25,030
Well, why is it
in the middle of nowhere?
296
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,654
And why are there no windows?
297
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,601
And why is there
a security guard out front?
298
00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:30,157
All these questions?
299
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,438
This is why I didn't want to
let you have a soda in
the car.
300
00:13:32,462 --> 00:13:34,562
It's not 'cause of
the soda. God.
301
00:13:41,504 --> 00:13:43,571
Something's going on here.
I'm taking a look.
302
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:47,069
What are you doing?
It's just a protein shake.
303
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,893
And it's the cheapest
on the market.
304
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,834
Uh, Brian, I think I know
why it's so cheap.
305
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:59,287
They're made of dog meat.
306
00:13:59,356 --> 00:14:02,340
Oh, my God, look at
all those poor, sad dogs.
307
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:06,044
♪ Life is a highway ♪
308
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:08,612
♪ I want to ride it ♪
309
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,516
♪ All night long ♪
310
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,570
♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah. ♪
311
00:14:15,639 --> 00:14:18,423
They're all in trouble.
Even Rover Dangerfield.
312
00:14:18,474 --> 00:14:20,908
Oh, I tell you, I got to pay
more attention, you know?
313
00:14:20,977 --> 00:14:22,621
When the Korean guy
said "shake,"
314
00:14:22,645 --> 00:14:23,811
I thought he meant my paw.
315
00:14:23,879 --> 00:14:25,599
Then he said
I was gonna be protein.
316
00:14:25,648 --> 00:14:27,492
I said, "Damn right,
I'm very pro-teen,
317
00:14:27,516 --> 00:14:29,016
I'm dating a 16-year-old."
318
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,325
Oh, boy, I tell you, I came
in this place a purebred.
319
00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:32,853
Now I'm leaving it a puree.
320
00:14:34,157 --> 00:14:35,940
No respect, no respect at all.
321
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,424
Brian, let's get out of here.
322
00:14:37,493 --> 00:14:38,870
What do you mean?
I'm taking a meeting.
323
00:14:38,894 --> 00:14:40,205
This company's worth a fortune.
324
00:14:40,229 --> 00:14:42,396
What? You still want
to invest in this?
325
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,265
- You can't be serious.
- Sorry, Stewie.
326
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,134
Wall Street is
a people-eat-dog world,
everyone knows that.
327
00:14:47,203 --> 00:14:48,569
Oh, my God.
328
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,437
Brian, you've turned
into a monster.
329
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,639
Hey!
330
00:14:51,708 --> 00:14:53,588
That's offensive
to the monster community.
331
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,311
- Yeah, some of us are nice.
- Yeah, real nice.
332
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:59,146
Weren't you charged
with sexually abusing
a 16-year-old?
333
00:14:59,215 --> 00:15:00,815
Elmo's accuser recanted
334
00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:03,351
and admitted the relationship
was consensual.
335
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:05,698
Yeah, but wasn't there another
case that was only thrown out
336
00:15:05,722 --> 00:15:07,722
because the statute
of limitations had expired?
337
00:15:07,791 --> 00:15:08,923
Elmo no comment.
338
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,093
Cookie!
339
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,740
He wants a cookie.
340
00:15:14,764 --> 00:15:16,480
Oh, I love the Muppets.
341
00:15:22,372 --> 00:15:24,672
I can't believe you still
want to invest in this.
342
00:15:24,741 --> 00:15:26,207
They use dog meat.
343
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,443
How can you condone
the eating of other dogs?
344
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,189
Oh, come on, Stewie,
it's their way.
345
00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:32,053
Who are we to judge
other cultures?
346
00:15:32,114 --> 00:15:34,048
Look, I'm investing
in this company.
347
00:15:34,116 --> 00:15:35,795
And if you're too scared
to do it with me,
348
00:15:35,819 --> 00:15:37,697
then maybe I'm working
with the wrong partner.
349
00:15:37,721 --> 00:15:38,864
What are you talking about?
350
00:15:38,888 --> 00:15:40,299
I'm the one who taught you
how to invest.
351
00:15:40,323 --> 00:15:42,390
- You can't ditch me.
- Sorry, Stewie.
352
00:15:42,459 --> 00:15:44,303
When I left you,
I was but a learner.
353
00:15:44,327 --> 00:15:46,394
Now I am the master.
354
00:15:47,464 --> 00:15:48,696
Hee-ya!
355
00:15:48,765 --> 00:15:50,565
Yeah. No one in Star Wars
says "hee-ya."
356
00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:51,844
You know what, Brian, forget it.
357
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,634
We are done. You ruined this.
358
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,353
We were a good team,
like Ricki and the Flash.
359
00:15:56,406 --> 00:15:58,105
I love you, Ricki.
360
00:15:58,173 --> 00:16:00,775
I love you, the Flash.
361
00:16:00,844 --> 00:16:02,287
Stewie, I don't think
that's right.
362
00:16:02,311 --> 00:16:03,578
Ah, I didn't see the movie.
363
00:16:03,646 --> 00:16:05,190
Yeah, no, I didn't see it
either, but, yeah, the,
364
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,281
"the Flash" was the name
of her rock band.
365
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:09,049
Oh, you saw it.
366
00:16:09,118 --> 00:16:11,936
- Yeah, I saw it.
- So did I.
367
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,373
This is stupid.
368
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:17,920
Come on, guys.
We got no choice.
369
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:20,410
We have to paint that portrait
of Jerome's mother ourselves,
370
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,157
and this is
the only class in town.
371
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:23,926
But aren't these classes
just for lame chicks
372
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:26,083
who want an excuse
to drink together?
373
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,622
- I'm having so much fun.
- Me, too.
374
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,490
This wine is an artist.
375
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,392
And it painted my smile.
376
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:41,132
I don't think Paul
really wants to marry me.
377
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,201
I, uh...
378
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,386
I'm not sure
what we're doing now.
379
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,210
Hi, Brian Griffin.
380
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,113
I have an appointment to see
your CEO about an investment.
381
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:59,016
Ah, yes, we're waiting for you.
382
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:02,153
Here, breathe deeply
into this investors' rag.
383
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,955
All right. Now, I'm not sure
if I'm saying this right,
384
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:08,425
but, uh, "Boo. Cocky."
385
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,299
Can you believe Brian?
386
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,663
Thinking he can fire me
when I'm the one who
taught him?
387
00:17:17,687 --> 00:17:20,621
I have had it with him.
Absolutely had it.
388
00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:22,990
He's just so selfish.
He drives me crazy.
389
00:17:23,058 --> 00:17:25,526
I don't know why I put up
with it, I guess...
390
00:17:25,595 --> 00:17:28,396
I guess I just have
a forgiving personality.
391
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:31,332
But enough about that, I'm
probably starting to bore you.
392
00:17:31,401 --> 00:17:33,968
It's just that whenever
I start talking about Brian,
393
00:17:34,036 --> 00:17:35,648
I lose all track of time.
394
00:17:35,672 --> 00:17:37,583
You would think, after
all these years together,
395
00:17:37,607 --> 00:17:40,174
that I could simply tell
myself enough is enough.
396
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,273
You've reached
Stewie Griffin.
Leave a message.
397
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,430
Hey! Give me that phone.
398
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:49,019
Stewie, it's Brian, you got
to help me, I'm gonna get
ea...
399
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,034
Damn it.
400
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:53,521
Well, I guess Stewie's
my only hope now.
401
00:17:53,589 --> 00:17:55,856
I can't believe
I might die like this.
402
00:17:55,925 --> 00:17:58,526
I always thought I'd go
the way all dogs dream about:
403
00:17:58,594 --> 00:18:01,446
slowly, and at great
inconvenience to my owners.
404
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,380
Come on, boy. Here we go.
405
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,516
Here we go. Let's get you
to the living room.
406
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,131
Lois, wrap one of his
"walking to the car" pills
407
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:10,533
in roast beef and peanut butter.
408
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,735
I'm gonna hold his hips
while he stands confused
409
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,391
in front of the water dish.
410
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,093
Go on, boy. It's right there.
411
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,045
Come on, boy, it's right there.
412
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,569
It's water. You like it.
413
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,907
There you go.
You're doing it yourself.
414
00:18:33,796 --> 00:18:35,574
Oh, God. Jerome's gonna
be here any minute,
415
00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:37,042
and then we're totally screwed.
416
00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:39,433
Well, I guess all we can do
now is the honorable thing:
417
00:18:39,502 --> 00:18:42,236
make realistic puppets
of ourselves to leave
in the bar
418
00:18:42,304 --> 00:18:44,144
for Jerome to beat
the crap out of.
419
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,570
What the hell
happened to my bar?
420
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:49,993
And my painting!
421
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,782
Well, don't just sit there
staring at me
422
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:54,598
with your limp limbs
and your straw-filled
plaid shirts.
423
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,886
Wow, it's working!
424
00:18:58,955 --> 00:19:00,154
Good plan, Peter.
425
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:01,734
Thanks, guys.
426
00:19:01,758 --> 00:19:03,690
Oh, no, I left the real me
in there.
427
00:19:04,761 --> 00:19:06,026
He's falling for it, guys.
428
00:19:06,095 --> 00:19:07,728
He thinks I'm me.
429
00:19:12,435 --> 00:19:15,353
Come on, Stewie,
check your damn messages.
430
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,924
God, that must be
where they do the deed.
431
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,342
I hope it's at least
peaceful and humane.
432
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:26,079
- Vick!
- Oh, boy.
433
00:19:27,216 --> 00:19:29,500
And Eli Manning!
434
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,397
Aw, I didn't know that
about Eli Manning.
435
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,154
Oh, yeah. I'm a real
idiot psychopath.
436
00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:40,727
What was that?
437
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,598
What the...?
438
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:47,918
Good job, Rupert.
439
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:50,098
Now let's hope we can find
Brian before it's too late.
440
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:51,889
Hey, don't touch me, I'm rich!
441
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:55,209
Ugh, he just makes it
so difficult to be on
his side.
442
00:19:57,847 --> 00:20:00,207
Oh, come on, there's got to be
a way we can work this out.
443
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:03,633
Rupert, music!- ♪ ♪
444
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,270
♪ Life is a highway ♪
445
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:09,540
♪ I want to ride it
all night long... ♪
446
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,242
Oh, no. He knows Gymkata.
447
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:12,576
There is no defense.
448
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,646
Everyone, run for safety
over by those uneven bars.
449
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,097
♪ I want to drive it... ♪
450
00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:18,633
Bad idea, buddy.
451
00:20:22,271 --> 00:20:24,721
♪ Life is a highway ♪
452
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:29,760
♪ I want to ride it
all night long ♪
453
00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:31,612
♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah ♪
454
00:20:31,681 --> 00:20:34,314
♪ If you're going my way ♪
455
00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:35,665
♪ I want to drive it... ♪
456
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,301
Stewie! Oh, my God, thank you.
457
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,271
I'm so sorry, Stewie.
458
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,306
I guess I just lost my head.
459
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,874
Well, lesson learned, Brian.
460
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,676
Money doesn't buy happiness.
461
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,111
This does:
462
00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:49,647
♪ Life is a highway ♪
463
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:54,001
♪ I want to ride it
all night long ♪
464
00:20:54,070 --> 00:20:55,986
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
465
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:58,622
♪ If you're going my way ♪
466
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:02,960
♪ I want to drive it
all night long ♪
467
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:05,546
♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah. ♪
468
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:14,438
Wow, Stewie. I am so sorry
I became such a jerk.
469
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:17,185
But I guess I learned
my lesson about the evils
of Wall Street.
470
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,154
What are you talking about?
This isn't about Wall Street,
471
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:20,744
- this is about you.
- Me?
472
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,424
I've been investing
in the market forever,
473
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,580
and doing just fine.
474
00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:24,782
You did it for one week,
475
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:26,817
and were literally eating
your own kind.
476
00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:28,218
This isn't about Wall Street.
477
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,787
I cannot stress that enough.
478
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:31,822
Well, money is
the root of all evil.
479
00:21:31,890 --> 00:21:33,524
No, it's not. It's just you.
480
00:21:33,592 --> 00:21:35,492
Hello, others, I am the father.
481
00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:36,760
Where is the mother,
482
00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:39,246
and what kind of sex
does she like to have?
483
00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:09,026
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH